Thoughts in a Skitoliv World

I’m ready to play! I love the sport of Baseball. I loved playing it, i was not very good but I loved playing it. I could run pretty fast and I caught almost every ball hit my way, yet I suffered from one problem in the hitting department; I was afraid of the ball. It is true, I was afraid every single time that I went up to the plate, I was afraid I was going to get hit with the pitch. You may think this was an irrational fear, but you are talking about little kids with control-challenged arms. I knew that if I ever let down my fear, I would get plunked.

Today, my love of baseball extends to watching games throughout the summer. That said, it is time for The Skitoliv World Baseball Spectacular!!! Last year the Skitoliv World predicted that the St. Louis Cardinals would win the World Series, low and behold, they did. Of course, I said they would beat the Angels, who did not even make the playoffs, but the point is I was correct in my prediction. Here we go, an overview of the leagues and the coming season.

AL East - As always, this division comes down to the Red Sox and The Yankees. The Sox have a wicked rotation with the addition of Matsuzaka, and the Yankees are actually counting on Carl Pavano to make a major impact (ha ha). The Yankees line up is more lethal than the Sox, but they have more soap opera issues than any other team in the league. I could go on about these two but I will let it alone for now. The Blue Jays just don’t have enough. The D-Rays have too many outfielders and not enough pitching, and the Orioles remain owned by Peter Angelos so that precludes them from being any good. Predicted Finish - 1. Boston 2. New York, 3. Toronto, 4. Tampa Bay, 5. Baltimore

AL Central - The Tigers surprised everyone to make the World Series last year, and they decided that in order to win the Series they needed to add Gary Sheffield, who is runner-up to Bar-roid in the most miserable person on the planet contest. Sheffield is a clubhouse cancer where ever he goes. The Twins continue to surprise people by winning division titles and Santana is just filthy. The Indians underachieved last year and I am not as sold on their rotation as many other people. The White Sox great championship rotation of two years ago ran out of gas last year, and they did nothing to fix it. The Royals, well I hope they can be better. Projected Finish - 1. Minnesotta, 2. Detroit, 3. Cleveland, 4. Chicago, 5. Kansas City

AL West - This is a two team race between Anaheim and Oakland. Anaheim needs to get more protection for Vlad Guerrero and their answer was the HGH-clouded Gary Matthews Jr and Shea Hillenbrand, not the best of answers. Oakland needs to stay healthy. Texas has one heck of a line up but continue to not have any pitching at all. Seattle thinks that Jeff Weaver will help their rotation (ha!). Projected Finish 1. Anaheim, 2. Oakland, 3. Texas, 4. Seattle.

NL East - The Mets have tons of pitiching questions. The Phillies have no bullpen. The Braves are young in certain areas and old in other ones, plus they continue to try and rely on Mike Hampton. The Marlins are really young and do not have a closer. The Nationals will lose almost 120 games. Projected Finish - 1. New York, 2. Philadelphia, 3. Florida, 4. Atlanta, 5. Washington

NL Central - The Cardinals have real problems in their rotation past Carpenter. The Cubs spent tons and tons of money but it was for guys like Jason Marquis and Ted Lilly (bad, bad pitchers). Houston lost both Pettite and The Rocket. The Brewers appear to be building well and are loaded, but they are still the Brewers. Cincy is a weird team that is handicapped by their reliance on Ken Griffey Jr. The Pirates are just awful and too young. Projected Finish - 1. Chicago (sure why not) 2. Houston, 3. Milwaukee 4. St. Louis 5. Cincinnati, 6. Pittsburgh.

NL West - Los Angeles appears to be the best team on paper, but they also suffer from lots of paper cuts, everyone on their team is made of glass and spends lots of time on the DL. San Diego needed an offensive upgrade over last year, and their only addition is a guy named Kouzmanoff. Colorado is another young team and their pitchers get so demoralized pitching in the mile high air. Many people are touting the Diamondbacks as they welcomed back the Big Unit, but he is another miserable guy and a bad teammate. The Giants have to deal with the circus that is Bar-roid, yeah he is gonna break the record, but so what, some one else will come along and break it eventually. Projected Finish - 1. Los Angeles, 2. San Diego, 3. Arizona, 4. Colorado, 5. San Francisco.

Playoffs

NL Divisionals - Los Angeles over New York, Philadelphia over Chicago

NL Championship - Los Angeles over Philadelphia (this is more of a prayer than anything else)

AL Divisionals - Boston over Minnesotta, Anaheim over New York

AL Championship - Boston over Anaheim (another prayer)

World Series - Boston over Los Angeles - Big shock I know, but I beleive the Sox have all the peices for a good run this year.

STOP COVERING ANYTHING REGARDING VICKY (ANNA NICOLE SMITH) MARSHALL!!!!!! IT IS NOT NEWS!!!! NO ONE GIVES A DAMN THAT A GOLDDIGGING BIMBO OVERDOSED ON DRUGS!!!! That is all, thank you - The Skitoliv World

"The Departed" claimed the Academy of Motion Pictures coveted "Best Picture" award several weeks ago. The Skitoliv World finally had a chance to watch this so-called "Best Picture last week. Viewing this film with The Skitoliv World were, HRHEJC, Big Jude, Lizz-er, A-Pells and The Commander.

The Departed stars Leo "I am a permanent 12-year old" DiCaprio, Matt "MATT DAMON" Damon, and Jack "I am not acting like a crazy person, I really am crazy and no-one can tell" Nicholson. DiCaprio portrays a Massachusetts state police officer sent undercover by Martin Sheen and Marky Mark Wahlberg, to further their efforts to arrest Nicholson. However, unbeknown to Sheen, Nicholson has placed Damon into the State Police as his informant.

The story appears to be a good one. You can expect lots of double crosses and intrigue as the two informants attempt to find out about each other. Here is the main problem with the movie; it was terrible. Damon was absolutely atrocious, you never got any kind of depth or emotion from him, it was as if he was reading lines off of cue cards. Nicholson just acted like a crazy person with a really bad Southey accent. Marky Mark was nominated for an Oscar for his role and no-one can explain why, all he did on screen was punch people in the face and call them Mother F******s. I am serious. If you look in the script his only lines are "Yeah, you are a real smart MF’er!" and "Come on MF’er! Come on!" Martin Sheen and Alec Baldwin’s roles each could have been played by any actor. DiCaprio, as much as it pains me to say it, was the best part of the movie. You really got the impression that he was strung out and having all kinds of anxiety attacks as he is drawn deeper and deeper into Nicholson’s world.

I would like to share some opinions from the assembled after the viewing of this piece of garbage.

Big Jude, "Why did that win? No really I am serious. Why did that win?"

HRHEJC, "I want those two hours of my life back."

Lizz-er, "That sucked. I mean, that really sucked."

A-Pells, "That had the most unnecessary sex scene ever. Not gratuitous at all, just unnecessary."

The Skitoliv World, "What is it with DiCaprio being in movies that really suck but win Best Picture, see Titanic."

The Commander "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ" (he was asleep)

I am aware that my words can not do justice to how bad this movie was. Please do not see it.

*Ahem* I want to point out that Vicky Marshall (Anna Nicole Smith) appears to be receiving more coverage in her death then she did in her life. Vicky appears to have died from an overdose of narcotics. During any of her public appearances, she constantly appeared to be way "out of it". I mean even more out of it than her "ditzzy blonde" persona. Now comes the news, that John "I want to have LL Bean Ron Hubbard’s love-child" Travolta claims that scientology could have saved Vicky.

"The super Thetan, who appeared with Smith in "Be Cool," proclaims that if Anna Nicole had gotten help at Narconon, the drug detox program "inspired" by the writings of L. Ron Hubbard and associated with the Church of Scientology, all would be different today. "It’s so sad," said Travolta to MSNBC. "We could have helped her with Narconon but didn’t get a chance."

Look, I think that getting addicts to clean up is a good thing. Yet, at what cost. This program might have been able to help Vicky, but she would have sacrificed so much more; her mind (wait, that was already missing), her body (nope too surgically altered to matter), and her very soul (it could get stuck to a brainwashed alien).

The deranged ramblings of LL Bean Ron are not the answer to everything. John, the fact that you think being brainwashed worked for you, it is not the right thing for all people. You should extend a helping hand to those in need, yet do not be surprised when they do not want to take that hand because they think you are crazier than they are. Your beliefs make you look like a damn fool. I am not surprised a drug-addled airhead like Vicky thought that the drugs were preferable to scientology. Even people on LSD think that scientology is too far out there, and this is coming from people that see the walls melting.

All scientologists, please, please, please, just stop talking!