Why Does the World Drive like an A@@?
No dear readers, I am not referring to The Skitoliv World. I am referring to the world in general. Those of us that have a long commute to work in the morning constantly marvel at the level of stupidity exhibited by many drivers. You will see people swerving at high speed, in and out of traffic; getting right up on your bumper and hitting their steering wheel because you will not get out of their way. What possesses people to drive like a complete an utter A@@? Why do they think they can just drive like this and completely piss of all the people around them? I have the answer. The reason people drive like an A@@ during the morning; "the snooze bar".
The "snooze bar" is a small device on your alarm clock. It allows you to get a few more minutes of sleep after your alarm initially goes off. Once it goes off again, you press it for a few more minutes, and this process continues. How does this lead to people driving like an A@@? Simply stated, it makes you late in the morning, therefore you are rushing to get to work on time. For example, The Skitoliv World’s alarm clock, during the week, goes off at 5:58AM. This allows the Skitoliv World plenty of time to do morning things, shower, get dressed, eat a bagel, etc, and leave promptly at 625 to drive over to Gunning Drive and pick up the Commander for work. However, if the Skitoliv World was to press "the snooze bar", he would not get out of bed until 6:08 and not leave till 635. The delicate time balance is now offset and The Skitoliv World would need to speed and act like an A@@ to other drivers in order to make up time lost to "the snooze bar."
The Skitoliv World witnesses people fighting time lost to "the snooze bar" every day. This is more of a problem then people realize. It may become necessary for a congressional investigating committee to examine the traffic problems caused by people driving like an A@@ due to hitting their snooze bar. The Skitoliv World remains surprised that there has not been an after-school special about hitting "the snooze bar". You would see an All-American Boy, "Billy", who one day decided to hit "the snooze bar" and had to drive like an A@@ in order to make it to school in time. Yet, due to his laziness, on the way to school, he mis-timed a weave and killed four motorists, an elderly crossing guard and a truck full of puppies. We would see "Billy" wailing about how he never should have pressed the snooze bar. I think Freddie Prinze, Jr. is available and would excel at such a role.
A few random Thoughts from a Skitoliv World
*The hooplah surrounding Vicky Marshall’s (Anna Nicole) death continues to amaze. People are acting like she was some sort of super do-gooder, and not a drug-addled, plastic train wreck. Let it go, she is dead.
* The Super Bowl was a terrible game. Not entertaining in the slightest. I am glad that Payton can finally silence his critics, but he could have shoed a little more emotion. The guy is presented with the Lombardi Trophy and he looked at it like it was a Big Mouth Billy Bass.
*"Rappers 50 Cent and Irv Gotti got into an old-fashioned staredown in L.A. over the weekend at a Grammy viewing party, but Gotti blinked first, and left the Universal Music party quickly." Oh for god’s sake make it stop.
* Under the title of "somebody thought this was a good idea" Disney has been hyping the hell, including a super bowl spot, out of their latest sure-fire-money-making-smash-hit-oscar-contender, "Wild Hogs". A Buddy-road-trip-comedy, starring John "Praise be to LL.Bean Ron Hubbard" Travolta, Tim "Get ready for Santa Clause 4" Allen, Martin "You still think I am marketable and funny" Lawrence, and (wait for it) William H. "I never met a script i did not like, cause I love to work" Macy. Someone at Disney heard the pitch for this movie and actually ok’d it. Of course I am sure they thought they would not have to face-off agains t "Codename: The Cleaner" and "Alpha Dog" but…wait you mean those movies already bombed?
February 15th, 2007 at 8:53 am
So much to comment on, so little time…
February 15th, 2007 at 9:21 am
The funny things is, I picture an ACTUAL stare down, a la that commercial with the kids on opposite sides of the world having a staring contest over a video conferencing system. How awesome would it be if all conflicts were waged by means of stare offs? Gang land violence plummeting as these jacked guys get shamed into leaving parties because they blinked…awesome.
Of course, the United States would still be the reigning superpower in a “stare-down” conflict world….after all, our VP is Dick “blinked twice the whole State of the Union” Cheney…
February 15th, 2007 at 9:43 am
Anna Nicole Smith’s headstone. “Just as annoying dead as she was alive”
February 15th, 2007 at 9:53 am
Hello, my name is Lauren and I am a snooze bar addict. “Hi Lauren.” I’ve been hitting the bar for close to 15 years now. I’ve organized my life around hitting the bar. I have found a job where I don’t have to go to work until after 9 am thus enabling myself a full 54 minutes of snooze time. (For those of you doing the math, that’s 6 hits each morning). I am an addict and I have no intention of quitting!
February 15th, 2007 at 10:36 am
Would that after-school special involve Molly Ringwold (sp)? She’s the queen of A-S specials.
February 15th, 2007 at 2:39 pm
Your very own father has been known to hit the snooze bar but since you drive in the AM - I suppose it is not a problem - myself - I don’t usally even set the alarm - I have an internal one! ( I am a mother)