Thoughts in a Skitoliv World

According to The Sun, Scientology leader David Miscavige thinks that Tom Cruise and Jesus share a lot of similarities. The Sun quotes a Scientology source as saying:

"Tom has been told he is Scientology’s Christ-like figure. Like Christ, he’s been criticised for his views. But future generations will realise he was right.”

I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. The Skitoliv World must appologize again and again from the bottom of its heart. The Skitoliv World has to do it, it has to go back on its promise to never ever ever ever talk about Tom Cruise again. I had tried to just ignore the fact that he and I share the same earth, but then some idiot scientologist (redundant, I know) has to go and say the above quote.

I think this is the final straw. There is a lot I can take from scientology. The aliens, the brainwashing, the e-meter but this is it. I can not take a the comparrison of Tom Cruise to Jesus Christ. I am calling for all out war against scientology. This is beyond any war, this is a true Jihad, the holy war of all holy wars. Muslims, you need to join this fight because if they will compare Cruise to JC, how long before they start comparing him to Muhammad. Buddists, do you want to hear how Tom Cruise will lead you on the path of enlightenment instead of Buddah? Shintoists, it is not your ancestors you need to pray to, it is Tom Cruise.

Many of my readers think that my rants about scientology are amusing, but this is serious. We can not allow this to continue. All idiot scientologists must be outright shunned. Hollywood, stop giving them work until they renounce this garbage.

You idiot scientologists, I will sum this up as best I can. YOU HAVE BEEN CONNED!!! L.Ron Hubbard was and is nothing more than a failed sci-fi writer, and an obvious lunatic. Tom Cruise is not the messiah. This whole experiment has been desigined to swindle you out of your money. I am sorry you were gullible enough to believe this crap.

That is it. I am done.

Just when you thought it was safe to read your email again, here comes the notification that "Thoughts in a Skitoliv World" has been updated. Yes dear readers, we thought that the favorite target of The Skitoliv World would actually behave and not give fodder for its rants. Alas, celebrities keep doing ridiculous things, such as speaking.

* The major rumor surrounding David and "Posh Spice" Beckham coming to Los Angeles is that their BFF’s Tom and Katie Cruise/Holmes are going to convert them to scientology. I guess that David and Posh are some sort of big deal outside of the United States, yet here they are just a washed up soccer player and his former pop singer turned anorexic wife. Most Americans would be very hard pressed to tell you what sport Beckham plays and when they show Victoria most people would say "I think she used to be someone", much like the Cruises. Yet, I must tell these people, do not become more of a joke than you already are. Just say ‘NO’ to scientology.

* Along those same lines. "Posh" Beckham is set to take-on her first acting role since the regrettable "Spice World". Vicky will have a small role in "The Thetan", a sci-fi picture that Tom Cruise’s Production company has in the works. For those of you that do not know, a "thetan" is what the "e-meter" measures. The "e-meter" is the electric shock device that scientologists grab to rid themselves of "thetans", which are the brain-washed souls of dead aliens blown up by the evil alien overlord Xenu, and then got stuck to good people. Yes, it has finally happened, I am at a loss for words. Ok it passed. AYFKM (Are You F****** Kidding Me!!!), this is the great work that Dan Snyder is now funding? Summer Redstone, you are a true visionary in foreseeing that Cruise was going to start making scientology propaganda pieces. Any Actor or Actress that appears in this movie must never ever be allowed to work in film.

* The Skitoliv World is now calling for a boycott of Nationwide Insurance. This company decide to use Kevin "I used to be famous" Federline in its Superbowl ad. Stop it! Let him fade into oblivion. The man has contributed nothing to society and needs to go away entirely. You are letting him hold on too long!

* The Hollywood award season recently began with the Golden Globes. I hate the award season. It is exactly what Hollywood and celebrities need, more self-aggrandizement. The problem with awarding a "Best Movie/Actor/Actress" is that whoever decides who gets nominated needs their head examined. In my opinion, they just choose people from the most obscure movies that approx. twelve people have seen, and try to pass them off as great art. Any "blockbuster" gets automatically eliminated because it does not have that "depth" that the academy needs to recognize. Which is a shame because if you ask most people what is the best movie they "saw" in 2006 they will tell you it was "Superman" or "Pirates of the Caribbean" or something that people actually go and see.

* One of the most ridiculous phenomenons to sweep the nation resumes this evening; American Idol. Here is the thing. Many of the finalists can really sing. I am not sure why some of the people won due to their weird mannerisms, see Hicks, Taylor (the man looks like he is having a seizure, is really ugly, and does not have that great of a voice). However, this is another show that delights in showing embarrassment humor. Now several of the contestants are deluded enough to think that their voice is great even though they obviously suck, but most of the people are going there for the specific reason of being insulted by the panel of judges. This show should have died years ago. I dislike its continued existence.

* Rest in Peace Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz’s relationship. At least they followed the advice found in Thoughts in a Skitoliv World, and did not get married first. According to sources, Cameron was all over Justin at a post-golden globes party and then started screaming at Jessica Biel because she thought JT was flirting with her. Cameron, babe, according to many magazines and pundits you are a very attractive woman (the Skitolv World does not see it). Why are you that hung up on a former man-bander, who claims to bring "sexy back"? You should be able to find someone that never lost sexy, therefore has no need to bring it back.

The NFL playoffs got started this past weekend. Saturdays action was incredibly un-inspired, with the exception of All-American boy and Cowboys QB Tony "I am dating Carrie Underwood" Romo’s spectacular fumble during the game winning field goal attempt.

Sunday, the offical teams of The Skitoliv World, The Philadelphia Eagles and The New England Patriots played host to Wild Card games. The Red Warrior, avid (rabid) Pats fan and The Duck, psycho-Eagles fan, were at 1801 for the days festivities. First up, The Patriots hosted the New Jersey Jets. As a point of information, the three of us were drinking Stella Artois and Grolsch throughout the whole day, boh are among my favorite beers in the world. Anyway, Red and I were kind of non-plussed the entire game. Yes we cheered when the Pats took the lead and yelled at the refs when they made bogus calls against the Pats, but it was as if we were not concerned with this game at all. At one point the Jets cut the lead to 23-17 and I asked the Warrior if he was concerned, and he kinda shook his head saying "not in the slightest". True to form the Pats scored a TD on their drive and then the defense provided the exclamation point with another TD. So off to San Diego for the Pats. I assure you there will be much more yelling and griping this week.

The Eagles took the field around 415, to face off against the hated New York Giants. At this point, we had fully switched to Grolsch, and were, well to put it mildly, out whistles were well wet. The red Warrior has no real interest in this game, but he wanted the birds to win for our sake. In true Eagels fan I automatically assume that they are going to screw up, yet some how they managed to succeed and move on to face the United States Saints down in New Orleans. This is going to be tough for the brids as everyone appears to think that because the Saints are playing in the Superdome, everything is hunky-dory in New Orleans. You can imagine that every commentator will be pulling for the "feel-good" story that is the Saints. I will let The L.T make all the comments he needs to about that.

Anyway. This weeks games.

Colts 24-21 over the Ravens

Pats 28-20 over the Chargers

Bears 17-3 over the Seahawks

Eagles 31-28 over the Saints

There is a huge problem in Hollywood. No, I am not talking about the continuing train wreck that is Brittney Spears or even Paris Hilton getting hit in the head by a piece of ice. The problem remains that too many bad bad bad bad movies continue to get made. My current head scratching about these bad movies stems from two trailers I have seen recently; "The Cleaner" and "Alpha Dog".

The main trend right now in Hollywood is to make a bad movie and then bludgeon the populace to death with ads for this bad movie. I have currently see the trailer for both "The Cleaner" and "Alpha Dog" approximately 100,000 times a piece. "The Cleaner"’s main character appears to be Cedric the Entertainer and apparently he is a janitor who actually works for the CIA or something, oh the hilarity that ensues. "Alpha Dog" boats a cast of Sharon Stone, Bruce Willis and Justin Timberlake, and apparently deals with a kidnapping of some kid that a bunch of other kids decide to kill, lots of tension there. I have seen nothing in these trailers that makes these movies seem even remotely interesting. The problem remains, that somebody at a movie studio somewhere thought these films are good ideas; not only are they good ideas, but they are great ideas that are going to make the studio a lot of money, i.e. enough to recoup production costs and make a profit.

Maybe it is me and I just do not get it. Yet I would think that after hearing the pitch for "The Cleaner" a movie executive would throw the pitchman out of their office. The best they can come up with is a janitor that thinks he is in the CIA? Oh wait, here is the tag line for it; "I’m the black Rambo!" ,"Ok, Blambo." How long did that take to think up? Not only did they decide to make this film, butt hen they needed to cast it. I can just see the meeting to make these decisions.

Movie Honcho 1: "Ok we need a funny African-American to play ‘the cleaner’ but Bernie Mac is out because he is filming ‘Ocean’s 87′. Bill Cosby is too old and I do not think that Steve Harvey has the acting chops to really get behind the character."

Honcho 2: "I’ve got it! Cedric the Entertainer."

Honcho 1:"Oh that is brilliant, he will really bring people to see the film, just like he did for ‘Johnson Family Vacation’. Now we need a white actress to play the sex interest, hey who is hot these days?"

Honcho 2: "Well, my wife loves that ‘Desperate Housewives’ show, so how about the blonde from that, it would get the women to come see it."

Honcho 1: "You are on fire today! All we need now is another woman to play his love interest at the janitorial service and we can fill in the rest with no names."

Honcho 2: "I know Lucy Liu is desperate for work, so she should come cheap."

Viola! That is how they cast this nonsense. I am not sure which is worse, that they decided this was a good idea, or that people are going to go and pay money to see it. I am not talking about value matinee either, they will pay full price to see this garbage.