K-Fed, We hardly knew you!
Kevin Federline, entered our lives Oct. 2004, left this world November 7, 2006. Kevin "K-Fed" Federline was described by those who knew him as a fun-loving party guy, a guy you would want to have children with. An aspiring actor, rapper and WWE-punching bag, K-Fed has two children with soon to be ex-wife Britney Spears and two other bastard children from a former relationship with some other media whore known as Shar Jackson.
K-Fed first came to the attention of the Skitoliv World when "The World", like most of the real world, was shocked to hear he and Pop-Princess Britney "Hit me Baby one more time" Spears married back in October 2004. Many of us here in a Skitoliv World really, really wanted to know who the wife-beater wearing, corn -rowed quaffed, chain smoking, non-showering man dancer was and where he came from. Then of course we had a reality check and realized we did not care. Of course we heard the stories of how he was with Britney, though his ex, the afore mentioned Shar Jackson already had one child by the dirt-ball and was knocked up with their second child. Yet, a part of us all really thought that maybe these two crazy kids had found each other and were no longer going to be able to hurt anyone else. I mean, Brit is no rocket-scientist either.
Once married to paparazzi darling Spears, it was next to impossible to get away from coverage of Federline. There he was everywhere. The major problem is that people apparently wanted to see him doing idiotic things. K-Fed was always out on the L.A. party scene, usually hitting the sauce pretty hard, even though his "beloved" Britney was home pregnant with their first child. The populace began to sour on Feds, perceiving him to be a gold-digging mooch, one who had no problem spending Brit’s money.
The next thing we hear is that Brittney was going to spend two million dollars to help K-fed become the "hip-hop star I know he was meant to be." (her exact words, I am not making this up!). A Skitoliv World is not opposed to people branching out and trying things. Who knows, Fed maybe had some hidden talent and this would be like a version of Britney Idol, where she discovers the next great rap-star. The problem of course arose when his first single was released, "Popozau". The song starts with a very weird sounding bell/flute medley with K-Fed mumbling in some sort of language, once the beat drops the exact words are (again I swear I am not making this up) "In Portuguese that means shake your @ss!" Well it sort of goes down hill from there. Kevin had no talent.
The critical panning of K-Fed’s music and his complete mockery by the "hip-hop" community did not stop his dream of becoming a rap-star. Kevin’s first album "Playing With Fire" was released on Oct 31, 2006. It sold an anemic 6,000 copies. The bigger question this raises, of course, is what in the hell is wrong with the 6000 people that bought that steaming pile of garbage. Kevin’s tour was also not going too well, several dates had to be canceled due to lack of ticket sales. Hundreds of tickets had to be handed out free, and the people that were there seemed to only want to heckle Kevin.
Kevin’s life officially ended on Tuesday, when his wife filed for divorce. Kevin now starts down that long slide into obscurity. The public interest will remain high for a bit as the divorce proceedings carry on. Some how, K-fed will even put out another album. Then he will be on Dancing with the stars, or as a celebrity judge at the Miss Hawaiian Tropic contest. His every mis-step will recieve less and less attention. Finally, K-Fed will be gone, until he is mentioned for getting busted for DUI or Drug possession.
Good-bye Kevin, the world will not miss you. There are always other idiots in the lime-lite, maybe if you are lucky you will be the answer to a bar trivia question someday, but again, you are not special, you never were. You were and still are, an idiot. Please take a shower, you smell. (For those that are curious, now that they are divorced, Brittney and Kevin are free game for Skitoliv World to point out that they are morons again.)
November 9th, 2006 at 9:20 am
Due to the pre-nup, Kevin will only be getting $360,000 in walk-away money from this marriage. That’s why he’s filing for full custody, for the child support payments (and maybe love of his kids, but that’s not been verified).
November 9th, 2006 at 9:24 am
I must stand up for K-Fed, while he may bring no value to society and be a terrible rapper, he has been a fantastic heel on the rasslin’ shows.
That sense of absolute loathing that every rasslin’ bad guy spends his career trying to achieve, this guy has built in. He is best heel on Raw right now, and he doesn’t even have to get in the ring.