Thoughts in a Skitoliv World

Holy god! No Dear readers, she is not dressed up like a skeleton. She is one. Please, eat something. You have lots of money and can obviously afford food, why do you want to look like a refugee from Darfur?

Onto the picks

Last week, I went 5-8, Best Pick: Cincy over Carolina,

Worst Pick: Arizona over Oakland.

YTD 66-34

This week I have decided to pick against the spread, and show you why I do not gamble on this stuff.

Houston (-3) over TENNESSEE - Amazingly I am giving three with the Texans on the road. Kubiak has had his team ready to play in almost every game. They just need to string consistency together. Thumbtacks are too young.

PHILADELPHIA (-7) over Jacksonville - The Eagles lost on a 62-yard field goal from a kicker that had never made a kicker longer than 50-yards, that is some bad karma for you. J’ville is considering using David Garrard at QB this week. It really does not matter He is equally as bad as Leftwich.

CINCINNATI (-4) over Atlanta - Ah, now that is the CJ we love. I hope he can back up his talk of this week, it is always better when he does. Ok, so Mike Vick threw a couple of TD passes last week and people are ready to anoint him Johnny Unitas, he is a QB it is a QB’s job to throw TD passes.

Tampa Bay (+9) over NEW JERSEY GIANTS - Remember I am picking with the points here. Jersey will win this game but I think it will be closer than most people think.

San Francisco (+16) over CHICAGO - I know the Bears are good, and the 49ers are bad, but this is just too many points to be giving to an NFL team. Also, "Sexy" Rexy Grossman (Chad’s name, not mine) looked really bad against the Cardinals and was saved by the Cardinals incompetence.

GREEN BAY (-3.5) over Arizona - Until the desert birds win a game they can not be picked to win any games. They lost to Oakland for god’s sake. The people in Wisconsin are so deluded that following the victory over Miami last week, their reporters were predicting a Super Bowl run. ( I am not making this up I swear.)

KANSAS CITY (-6) over Seattle - Seneca Wallace and Maurice Morris just does not fill me with the same dread as Shaun Alexander and Matt Hasselbeck. Chiefs are starting to hit their stride, provided that Damon Huard does not remember he is Damon Huard.

NEW ORLEANS (-2) over Baltimore - I am convinced that the Saints are for real. Baltimore Defense continues to be very good, but as always their offense just plain sucks.

St. Louis (+9.5) over SAN DIEGO - Way too many points here. Rams are a decent team coming off of a bye whereas San Diego has had lots of issues this past week surrounding Shawn Merriman’s impending suspension.

Pittsburgh (-8.5) over OAKLAND - This line makes no sense as the Steelers are going to win by at least 2td’s. Oakland won last week (whoopee) but still is just an awful team.

CLEVELAND (+2.5) over New Jersey Jets - Cleveland needs to utilize its play makers more. Hopefully the new offensive coordinator can do that. The Jets could potentially get to 10 wins because their schedule is that soft. They are not as good as their record belies.

Indianapolis (+3) over DENVER - New England can not beat Denver, Denver can not beat Indy, Indy can not beat New England it is true.

CAROLINA (-5) over Dallas - Tony Freakin’ Romo. Give me a break. He is not the answer to all your problems Dallas. I do not cry at the ‘boys demise.

New England (-1.5) over MINNESOTA - Hopefully the bye week helped Brady and his wr’s get more on the same page. Pats will win handily here provided they are not looking forward to Indy.

Bonus Picture

Look it is Leo DiCaprio and a guy in a Pirates Hat!

Yes ladies and gentlemen (present readers excluded), it is time again for the ever popular More Thoughts in a Skitoliv World!!! That time when I tell you my opinion of certain things I have observed going on in the world.

*North Korea has the Bomb! Yes, folks, a bouffant-style quaffed, platform shoe wearing megalomaniac has a nuclear device and long range missiles at his disposal! I am so glad that we took care of those WMD’s in Iraq that we can focus on this situation. I truly believe Kim is crazy enough to use nukes on those he believes are threatening him, the U.S., China, Japan, his own reflection, teletubbies and Urkel. The thing that is really sad about the Iranian and Korean nuke chase is that they are spending tons and tons of money on these projects and not on alleviating the poverty in their own countries. N. Korea and Iran are roughly akin to the stone age, and their leaders just do not care. Memo to Kim and Iranian Prez Ahmadinejad, do you know why the whole world thinks you are crazy and are being sanctioned, maybe because of your complete and utter disregard for your own people, you know, the ones that you are leading into a "glorious future."

*On the same note, why is it that these idiots in small countries continue to pick fights with the U.S. Is it that they are channeling their inner Saddam, who did not learn his lesson after losing the first gulf war, deciding that was a fluke and he could win a second war. Maybe they decided that they could stand-up to western tyranny like Manuel Noriega, after all that turned out pretty well for Noriega. I have a radical idea, maybe you should try fixing the problems of your archaic countries and show that you are the "great humanitarians" you claim to be and the rest of the world will take note and give you the attention you crave.

*Am I the only one that has noticed what is going on in election ads this year? The ads being run by democrats are not talking about their platform but rather that their opponent has supported George W. Bush on all different issues. This is what it has come to? Another novel idea would be to actually say what you stand for, not what your opponent stands for. I have not seen any ad that actually does this. The ads are either telling you what a great guy the candidate is (he brushes his teeth after every mail and never farts in public) or they are mud-slinging at their opponent (he drowns kittens and was seen dancing naked with Satan under a full moon; this is not a lie I heard this on an ad for the recorder of deeds election). I think that you should simply say where you stand on certain issues and not comment on your opponent at all. (note: kudos to the Swann/Rendell Governor election, there has been no mud-slinging at all.)

*Have you ever seen so many acrimonious divorces in Hollywood? Baldwin/Bassinger, Moakler/Barker and Hasselhoff/Bach. It is ridiculous, how the heck were you people married in the first place if this is how you treat each other now?

*According to Ashton Kutcher (why oh why have I not heard more Oscar talk for "The Guardian"?), step-daughter Rummer should spend more time studying and less time hanging out with Lindsay Lohan.  A source says. "education is very important to Ashton, and he’s afraid Rumer will think partying is better than studying." While I agree that Rummer should not be hanging out with Lindsay Lohan, Ashton, are you actually older than Rummer? And what college was it you graduated from, high school as well?

*I am completely addicted to french fries. It is true. I feel that by admitting this I will eventually come to a good place where I can handle it. I appreciate your prayers and support during this difficult time.

*People keep claiming that the Olsen twins are "so hot". What part of the below picture is attractive in any way know to man? Grunge-Bag lady combined with anorexic drowned rat is my description, I challenge you dear readers to do better.

While many important decisions were made by celebrities this week (for example: inhale, exhale. inhale, exhale "oh that is how it goes"), the most important thing I have heard; Jay-Z has decided on a new beverage!!!! Jay-Z, of course you remember, decided he could no longer support Cristal after an executive made comments he found racist. Yet now my boy has signed on with my brewery of choice, Anheuser-Busch, to become the co-brand director for Budweiser Select. This ends several months of speculation about what drink J to the Z was going to endorse. The Kool-Aid man was apparently devastated by this news, "OH-YEAH! I thought we had the inside track and that we were very close to a deal. I am not sure how i can break through any walls today. I am very upset by this." "Punchy" of Hawaiian Punch refused comment on the matter but told friends he was glad he would remain the "funkiest dude with antlers from Hawaiian Punch". "Dom. P." of an anonymous champagne vineyard said they had just heard too many bad things from Cristal and were thus scared off. However, I for one feel great knowing that I drink a beer brewed by someone in business with Jay-Z.

Last Week - 7-6, (best pick: Steelers over Chiefs, I told you Damon Huard would remember he was Damon Huard. worst pick: (tie) Bills over Lions, John Kitna seems determined to kill my record; Cincy over Bucs; with the roughing the passer rules right now, QB’s should be wearing flags.) YTD: 61-26 (73.5%)

CINCINNATI over Carolina - Carolina is pretty good right now, but this is a game that the Bengals have to have. Look for a more balanced attack out of the Bengals. Steve Smith is quite a difference for the Panthers.

NEW JERSEY JETS over Detroit - Regardless of what I say about the Lions, I always get the pick wrong. Chad Pennington has been playing well, but the Jets lack any kind of running game. Matt Millen is the worst GM ever, and this is coming from someone that had to endure the Ed Wade years in Philadelphia.

MIAMI over Green Bay - Yes, this is my weekly "I hate Brett Favre Pick". Miami still is playing decent defense. Joey Harrington needs to remember that he is Joey Harrington and not try and be Dan Marino. Once again we will here about what shame it is that the God-like Favre has to play with this bad team.

Jacksonville over HOUSTON - Jacksonville needs to overcome the loss of LB Mike Peterson (acl- done, year) and facing the team that took Reggie Bush…oh wait, I keep forgetting that the Texans did not take him, and instead have to rely on Ron Dayne (*giggle*). Not even going to be close.

NEW ENGLAND over Buffalo - Give Brady and Belichek two weeks to game plan for a team and watch out. Buffalo lost to the Lions for crying out loud. Hopefully there will be more snow in Buffalo.

Philadelphia over TAMPA BAY - Bruce Gradkowski, meet Trent Cole and Darren Howard, they will be the guys hitting you all day. Look for the Eagles to blitz the heck out of the rookie. Eagles D has to stop allowing the long drives. Tampa ‘D’ is just not playing at Tampa-like levels.

Pittsburgh over ATLANTA - Steelers have found their stride, and also have the speed necessary to counter the Atlanta rushing attack. Plain and simple, Ron Mexico is not getting it done a the QB position, make him a split end and then you would have a better chance. Atlanta’s defense is really not all that is supposed to be.

San Diego over KANSAS CITY - If Trent Green was healthy I would go with the Chiefs. This is going to be a very tough test for the lightning bolts. I think Shawn Merriman is going be huge in this game.

Denver over CLEVELAND - Both teams can not score points. The difference is the Denver’s Defense does not give up any, and Cleveland’s gives up a lot.

Arizona over OAKLAND - The Raiders are who we thought they are!! Go ahead and crown their @ss! Crown them the worst team in football. Words I never thought I would say, I am picking the Cardinals in my suicide pool.

SEATTLE over Minnesota - Seattle impressed me in their comeback last week. The Vikings are an ok team. It is kind of hard to say too much about this game because I do not care about Steve Hutchinson leaving the ‘hawks for the ‘vikes.

INDIANAPOLIS over Washington - So which is the most over-rated team in this game, the 5-0 Colts or the 2-4 Indigenous Persons? I will let you decide.

DALLAS over New Jersey Giants - That person I am not allowed to comment about now wants the ball earlier in the game because he is "bored." He is priceless. I may need to take him off of the do not comment on list. I am awaiting his follow up book "Little T learns how to constantly put his foot in his mouth" and "Little T learns how to not act like a damn fool."

…respond to them.

I highly enjoy my readers comments about my "column". It makes me feel like I have brought some joy into your lives. I also want you to realize that I read every comment posted, yet I feel some of them deserve responses.

From "Need Help? Call a Celebrity!"

"30 rock only got 8.1million viewers last week. It was beat by… wait for it…Dancing with the Stars AND American’s Top Model" - Emma, Washington D.C.

"What’s the difference between 30 Rock and Studio 60? Who cares? Everyone is watching Grey’s Anatomy, anyway. Mmm… McDreamy…" - Molly, Washington D.C.

I think that my sisters are confused. Last weeks article was about Alec’s inflated sense of importance and not about whether or not his new show sucks (it apparently does according to Emma and Molly). I am not what you would call a TV connoisseur, I pretty much only watch sports on TV (GO TIGERS!), though I do have a growing addiction to TV seasons on DVD, what I am currently trying to get caught up on; Farscape (complete series), Lost (season 2), Battlestar Galactica(season 1, thanks Ken); Deadwood (seasons 2 and 3).

From "I want a New Drug"

"I think you should start smoking weed because, absent a combined 33 point explosion by Jamal Lewis and the B-more D, I kicked your ass this week." - Chad, Chicago

Yes Chad you did. Though if you have checked my reason smack talk you would see that I bemoaning how badly The Cahill US Marshalls absolutely suck. I do want to point out that you people in the City of Big Shoulders should not get too confident in your Bears. If they were down by 20 to a team that was remotely competent and not the Arizona Cardinals they would have been humiliated. Rex had better get his head straight because the schedule doesn’t get any easier.

From "It’s not my fault, I’d better go to rehab."

"Don’t you know that I cannot go one day without knowing the latest celebrity gossip. I love watching all the tabloid shows at the end of the day so I don’t miss a thing." - Mark, Washington D.C

Mark, lucky for you and all of us we live in an age where we can find out everything we want to know about celebrities. I still can not understand the fixation with other people like this. Though I wonder if celebrities go home and turn on special channels that show everyday people doing normal things. Tonite on Access Wilmington, Duke Cahill Takes out the garbage and finally unpacks his last boxes! Mark and Emma eat at another recommendation from D.C. cheap eats, but not where you would think!

From "The Guardian"

"This movie needs some Muppets! They make any piece of crap story a bit more palatable, and they can really spruce up the big song and tap dance number when they run into those Navy boys." - Greg, Rockville, MD.

According to several sources, my BFF Ashton Kutcher might actually be a Muppet. I mean, you have never seen him and a Muppet in the same place at the same time. The only problem with adding Muppets to the runaway Best Picture Oscar of the Year Movie The Guardian is that you have never seen Muppets fighting in a bar, and the only way that people can bond in movies like this is if they get in a bar fight.

From "No, I will not Comment on them."

"Oh really Duke - lighten up most of the world really does not care about any of this…now, what is the royal family of England up to? THAT is interesting!" - Judith, Wilmington, DE.

Judith, if most of the world did not care, then why are there no fewer than 300 "celebrity gossip" shows. You can not turn on the TV without running into some show chronicling the hi-jinx of Hollywood. CNN.com actually had a story in its "Top Stories of the day" section about how the "feud" between Nicole Ritchie and Paris Hilton is over. How is that news? I mean seriously did anyone care? Obviously because CNN also had a story on its TV station about it as well. This was a 10-minute piece that listed every detail of their friendship to fallout to friendship again. OH FOR GOD’S SAKE MAKE IT STOP!!!

From "Rats, Cockroaches and Tom Cruise"

"Mom says you are going to be a target of Scientology if you don’t watch your back. But I say, Fight on, my Brother! Fight the good fight and make it STOP.
And I still say that Suri Cruise is Asian." Molly, Washington D.C.

Thanks for the support sis. I actually heard today that the so-called Suri has gone back into hiding and not been seen since the photos were published in whatever magazine. I think that the scientology muckety-mucks (actual title of their "priests") realized that they gave them an Asian baby by mistake. Therefor, the next time "Suri" is seen she will remarkably look like a blonde Norwegian baby, then it will be a black baby from Malawi, then a Hispanic child, and will keep changing until they find the one that "tests" the best with the populace. Then they will claim that that has been their "baby" all along and that the photos were changed by people trying to discredit the miracle of Katie’s pregnancy. Mark my words, at some point scientology is going to claim that Suri is LL Bean reborn.

From "I’m ok…you ok?"

Last week, 13-1, Best Pick: Philly over Dallas (HAHAHAHAHA, Cowboys, he is your problem, look for him to go T.O. Soon), Worst Pick: Detroit over Minnesotta (John Kitna you blew my chance at a perfect week!) YTD; 54-20. Here we go!

Buffalo over DETROIT - I seriously can not pick the Lions to win anymore games. They find new ways to lose continuously. The Bills need to rebound after being hammered by the Bears.

Carolina over BALTIMORE - Yes, the Ravens ‘D’ is awesome, but what is wrong with their offense? They just can not score points. When you play good teams, you actually need to score some points! Steve Smith makes all the difference in the world for Carolina. Panthers need someone to step up for Dan Morgan.

Cincinnati over TAMPA BAY - Gradkowski looked good against the Saints last week, but he is still a rookie and will have some bad games, this will be one of them. Bengals did not get arrested during the bye week, so that is a step in the right direction.

DALLAS over Houston - If Bledsoe struggles at all here, look for him and T.O to get in ashouting match, it is coming…you know it is. Houston got a win last time out, but the ‘boys are too strong.

ATLANTA over New Jersey Giants - Falcons are too strong on the turf. Giants do have the defense to contain Vick, but the ATL secondary should be able to keep Eli in check. This will be a close one.

PHILADELPHIA over New Orleans - Eagles are flying high after last week, and are primed for a let down. New Orleans has already surpassed last years win total so they are playing with houe money. Reggie Bush’s punt return for TD really shows how dynamic he is. This will be closer than people think, but Birds pull it out late.

ST.LOUIS over Seattle - The first round in the battle for the West goes to the Rams. Seattle is not the same without Shaun Alexander, plus they need to protect Hasslebeck better. Rams have been surprisng people. Bulger is being very efficent, and with Steven Jackson running, it keeps the pressure off of him.

WASHINGTON over Tennessee - Titans can run the ball, they just can not throw it. I still do not think Vince Young will be a great pro-QB. Washington is really skitsophrenic. Depending on which team shows up, this game will be a blow-out or really close.

PITTSBURGH over Kansas City - Steelers are having a post Super Bowl Hangover but they will drop the Chiefs. Damon Huard has been playing out his @ss, and will eventually remember he is Damon Huard. Steelers ‘D’ is banged up but still playing ok.

NEW JERSEY JETS over Miami - I mean really, can anyone in good consciousness pick a team where Joey Harrington is the QB. I wonder if Nick Saban is wondering why he left LSU. J-E-T-S are still trying to get the taste of Jaguar cleats out of their mouth, look for a 13-7 game.

San Diego over SAN FRANCISCO - Marty let Rivers go last week, and the results were promising. With all of those weapons, I would be aggressive as all heck in my play calling. Frisco beat a very bad team last week. Got killed by a very good team the week before, so look for them to get killed again.

DENVER over Oakland - Shhhh, Oakland is getting closer and closer to 0-16. All reports say that Moss wants a trade, but he keeps saying he doesn’t. What is real here Randy? Denver is very very good on ‘D’, though I still thank Champ Bailey is the second most over-rated player in the league next to Roy Williams of the ‘boys.

Chicago over ARIZONA - Bears remain undefeated. Dennis Green’s seat must be getting pretty hot. Arizona is another team that needs to spend its first 4 draft picks on the best O-lineman available. I hope Leinart doesn’t get killed.

We here in a Skitoliv world wish to express our condolences to the family of major league pitcher Cory Lidle. Lidle was killed the other day when his plane crashed into an Upper East Side apartment building. Cory was not a superstar pitcher, he was also a replacement player from the strike in 1994, you always knew what you would get when he was on the mound. Cory was honest man who always said what was on his mind. He will be missed in MLB.

Here is a photo from the crash site, we will dissect what is wrong.

I believe that the actual conversation here is;

Policeman: Stay behind the line sir.

Alec Baldwin: Don’t you know who I am?! I am Alec Baldwin! I am a celebrity and I am needed at this emergency!

Policeman: Oh! Thank god you are here Mr. Baldwin! We, the professional emergency managers were completely lost without your presence. This way to the Chief! He will be so happy to see you! By, the way, how come you did not move to Canada after ‘W’ won the election, like you said you would?

I mean really, Alec, why are you there? Are you; A) A fireman, B) a policeman, C) a trained emergency person. If the answer to those choices is "no" (which it is), then get the hell out of there. All you are doing is causing a scene and making yourself look like a jackass. I hate to be repetitive, but Alec seems to like himself enough that I do not have to.

This also raises another point. Many "celebrities" are complete media whores, always looking for a camera that they can stick their face in, ‘ole Alec seems to be one of these. I understand that when an incident like this occurs, many people want to know what is happening, that is why we have traffic tie ups on the opposite side of an accident. Yet, when something like this occurs, what is it you feel like you can do? I mean I for one would feel much better if I was to show up at the scene of an accident and see that the calming presence of Alec Baldwin was there. "Oh, everything is okay! Alec Baldwin is here! I wonder if that is Stephen Baldwin doing CPR" I also quote South Park, "What’s the worst part about being a Baldwin? Nothing!"

This is advice to all "celebrities", you are not different than anyone else. There is nothing you can do to help here. Let the professionals handle this. Go back to your own little fantasy world where you believe your own publicity, and you believe you are special.

Lauren has me addicited to Sudoku!

This is not good

I had just beaten my free cell addiction

and

gotten to a good place with my alchemy addiction

and now

SUDOKU

simple game, place 1-9 in the boxes, but you can not have the same number in any row/column, madly frustrating

I better start smoking weed or something to take my mind off of this addiction.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, here is a photo of Victoria Bekham and Katie Holmes. First, it looks like their sunglasses are swallowing the upper part of their heads. Second, and more importantly, EAT SOMETHING!!!! YOU LOOK HORRIBLE!!!

Note to all women everywhere. You do not look good when you are thinner than a stick figure that anyone can doodle. When you turn sideways, you should not disappear. OK I feel better having said that, now onto the NFL.

Last Week, 11-3, Best Pick: Houston over Miami (I told you Houston would step up), Worst Pick: Cincinnati over New England (I should have known better, though the day of the game I told Robert and Kenric that the Pats would win handily) YTD, 41-19.

CHICAGO over Buffalo - Bears should be in for a let down after thrashing Seattle last week, but not at Soldier Field. JP Losman has actually been playing like an NFL QB for a change, still not enough, Bears stay undefeated.

CAROLINA over Cleveland - Cleveland really showed some grit coming back against Oakland last week, if Frye, Edwards and Sgt. Winslow could show consistency they would be lethal. Carolina showed what a difference Steve Smith means to their team. Panthers in another close one.

Detroit over MINNESOTA - Detroit’s offense has come on strong, if the defense can not stop the thoroughly unspectacular Vikings then they deserve to go 0-16. I remain unimpressed by Minnesota.

NEW ENGLAND over Miami - I think Tommy Brady has gotten out of his funk and found a new go-to-guy in Doug Gabriel. Maroney is the real deal. Watch for the Patriots defense to make life miserable for The Human Turnover Machine. Many pundits picked Miami to go to the Super Bowl (ha-ha-ha).

St. Louis over GREEN BAY - Packers defense is a mess, they seriously can not cover anyone. Watch for lots of Tory Holt and Isaac Bruce. Brett Favre recently made noise about being traded. I seriously can not dislike him anymore than I already do.

NEW ORLEANS over Tampa Bay - Bus are starting a rookie QB and have not looked right all season. What the heck happened to Cadillac Williams? The Saints are playing out of their heads right now. Glad to see Drew Brees is lighting it up. I think Reggie Bush scores his first TD this week.

INDIANAPOLIS over Tennessee - NFL should have suspended Albert Haynesworth for the year, that was vicious what he did. Colts are way to strong to lose this game. Rhodes and Addai are making the fans say "Edge who?"

NEW JERSEY GIANTS over Washington - If not then it means that Tom Coughlain has truly lost this team. Washington has been putting up lots of points lately but I am not sold on them as a high scoring team. Hopefully we will get some more sound bites out of Jeremy Shockey, I can not get enough of his opinion.

Kansas City over ARIZONA - Welcome to being an NFL starter Matt Leinart, unfortunately you have no Offensive Line to block for you or Edge James. K-City looks to be back on track after taking SF behind the woodshed last week.

JACKSONVILLE over New Jersey Jets - The Jags defense has just been torched the last two weeks. The Jets are better than many thought, but still they are not that good. J’Ville has a real steal in Maurice Drew.

SAN FRANCISCO over Oakland - Randy Moss recently said that he is not that interested in football right now, because nobody else on his team is, so why should he be. That is a good point Randy. SF is having growing pains but they are more on track than Oakland will be as long as Al Davis is alive.

SAN DIEGO over Pittsburgh - Chargers are ticked about the conservative play calling of Marty. He already does not have the confidence of the GM, I think a change may be sooner rather than later. Big Ben really needs to get his head together and play like he can.

DENVER over Baltimore - I am still not sold on the Ravens, too many questions on offense. Denver’s Defense has been very very good against the run. This should be a slug-fest, but Broncos are very tough to beat in Denver.

and finally, what we have all been waiting for!

PHILADELPHIA over Dallas - When the schedule was released I said that you could mark down, in pen, that Eagles will win this game. Forget the circus that is the guy I am not allowed to comment about, the Eagles D is very very good. They will pressure Drew Bledsoe, and when you get him moving, he will make mistakes. Bobblehead McNabb will need to bring his best and not "tense up in big games" like that guy says he does. Brian Westbrook will need to be at his "ultimate weapon" best as Dallas has a lot of speed in Ware, Spears, Ellis and Canty. While Dallas safety Roy Williams is known for making highlight reel plays, he is usually out of position and burnable in coverage. The Eagles need to give Mc’bobble time, and he will destroy the ‘Boys Secondary. Eagles win 27-21.

I noticed a recurring theme in the recent embarrassments by public figures. Whenever they are caught doing something bad, they immediately check themselves into rehab and blame alcohol for their problems. Mel Gibson went on an anti-Semitic rant and checked himself into rehab. Mark Foley says he was abused, by a priest, is actually gay, and checked himself into rehab, also known as the I am not accountable for my actions trifecta. Billy Joel, Haley Joel Osmet amongst others get busted and check themselves into rehab. Look, guys, you screwed up, you got caught, be men and take your punishment.

The thing that really gets me is that they are not held accountable for their actions. It as if by checking themselves into rehab, the initial problem never occurred. "I am sorry that I caused that traffic accident, but because I went to rehab, my record does not reflect it." I think that there needs to be a celebrity show that chronicles them doing their community service/whatever the judge sentences them to.

*Two celebrity break-ups recently occurred. First, Nicole "The Skeleton" Richie and Brody Jenner recently ended their relationship, which is odd because I would wager no one really new that they were dating. I guess Brody prefers women that, I don’t know, AREN’T LIVE-ACTION STICK FIGURES!!! You look horrific Nicole, and you were not that attractive before you starved yourself. Secondly, Jennifer Aniston and Vince "yeah I know I am the rebound but I will take it" Vaughn. Poor Jen, first you lose Brad to Angelina, and now you lose Vince to Donuts.

*I am confused. Barbra Streisand constantly attacks President Bush for being "stupid", yet she needs teleprompters to remember the words to the songs she herself wrote.

*A&E announced the production of "The Corey’s:The Lost Boys Return", an 8-episode reality show staring, wait for it, Corey Haim and Corey Feldman. OK, that is it, stop with the celebrity reality shows. I mean it.

*Early Christmas Idea alert! I want Jake Gyllenhall’s outfit! Jake’s outfit from "Brokeback Mountain" will be up for grabs at a live auction on Saturday at the Human Rights Campaign’s 10th Annual Dinner in Washington, D.C.