Thoughts in a Skitoliv World

The recent news on the Katie Holmes front is that she met with her agent recently in Hollywood (a mythical place where anything can happen) in order to go over current opportunites for re-starting her career. I am sure that there is going to be lots of work for a new scientologist, with a baby that only Leah Remini(another whacko scientologist) can see, and that is never ever going to get married to Tom Cruise (alleged hetero-sexual). I am wondering if Katie is beginning to rethink this whole move of attaching herself to Tom. Since then she appears to be a hostage in her own world, Tom speaks for her, decides what roles she will take and subjects her to daily gripping of the E-meter. Not to mention that she was dropped from the mega-franchise Batman, the day after Batman Begins opened, due to all the critics of the movie saying she was the worst part of an otherwise exceptional film. When does it reach the point where people just stop paying attention to her? She has no real talent that I can see, I do not think she is particularly attractive, and I never understood people’s fixation with Dawson’s Creek. If I was running a movie studio I would stay away from her.

*Suri update: Leah Remini said that she has seen Suri Cruise and that she is a happy normal baby. Leah Remini is also a scientolgist. Therefore, she also beleives that she sees the souls of people attached to herself and needs to grip and electric shock device to cleanse herself of these souls. I am just pointing that out before we take her world on seeing this "baby".

* I am not sure who is creating radio advertisements lately, but they are all terrible. All the actors sound like complete morons, and the ads are so ridiculous that they do not make me want to buy the product, but rather they make me turn the radio off.

* Israel continues to destroy southern Lebanon…..In all honesty I do not care. I feel bad for the civilians in the area, but at the same time, they should know not to harbor terrorists in this day and agae, especially from the Israelies.

*Lance Bass, of some boy band fame (they are all the same in my mind) announced that he is gay. I really enjoyed that they tried to make him into some romanitc-lead movie star. See "On The Line". He and Joey Fatone are developing an "Odd-Couple" type sitcom for some network, where he will play a gay character…oh the hilarity that will ensue.

*Madam Touseeau’s wax museaum has unveiled a Shiloh Jolie-Pitt figure….ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!!! IT IS A BABY!!!!

* The WHO announced that almost 60,000 people die each year becuase of the sun. Damn that life giving star! We have to stop this vicious killing machine before it is to late. Wear sunscreen people.

* Greg believes that I hate scientology so much because I am actually an agent of the evil-alien overlord that the scientologists believe blew up all the souls that re attached to them. That I am priming the world for invasion. This is of course ridiculous but I just want to add "Kwatualla bimsham walla-walla bing bang" (you know what to do now)

DSF goes off this week. Time to start doing my anti-rain dance. Out.

Actually, yes, I am ready for some football. In July, the NFL re-asserts its dominance over the sporting landscape. Pennant races in MLB, free-agent signings in the NBA, and WNBA all-star games can not hold the populace’s attention like watching giant men sweating in the hot summer sun. Every city feels good right now about their teams chances for bringing home the Lombardi trophy. The NFL has created such parity that every team actually thinks it can make a run to the Super Bowl. Unfortunately, each year several teams meet with disappointment, either through injury, bad play, or that they were just not as good as they thought. So with that in mind, I decided to tell you as of right now (July 20th) how the teams look, who has a chance, and which teams have no real chance

Absolutely no chance of winning the Super Bowl:

Buffalo - New coach, no QB worth anything and an aging defense spell a long season for the Bills. Also, Willis "I am the best back in the league" McGhee is really not as good as he and every one else thinks.

New York Jets - First time head coach, QB’s that can not stay healthy or were never any good in the first place and a RB who is really old. It is amazing how bad this team got last year.

Tennessee Titans - Absolutely horrendous the way they handled Steve Mcnair. Also, I am not sold on Vince Young as an NFL QB, he is slightly better than Michael Vick and you do not win championships with scrambling QBs

Houston Texans - Hopefully on their way up. I do not see what everyone sees in David Carr, all he has proved in four years is that he knows hoe to get sacked, and not much else.

Oakland Raiders - All AAron Brooks has shown is that he knows how to throw interceptions. Randy Moss can not play the good citizen that much longer, look for an epic blow-up at some point, followed by a trade demand next off-season.

Detroit Lions - Who the heck is Rod Marinelli and why is he an NFL head coach? John Kitna/Josh McCown, is their really any difference to these guys? Why does Matt Millen have a job still after assembling this garbage of a team?

Green Bay - Yee-haw, another season of hearing about poor Brett Favre and how it is a shame he has to play with this bad of a team. Look for approximately 24 interceptions out of Favre this year and the commentators will not blame a single one on him.

Minnesotta Vikings - Brad Johnson is 38 years old. They have no running game to speak of, a new head coach and a very young defense. This will be a very down year in Minneapolis, particularly if Johnson gets hurt and they are forced to rely on the useless Mike McMahon.

New Orleans Saints - Lots of talent but too many questions. Are Brees and Mcallister healthy? Can Bush be as dynamic as in college? Who is going to play defense?

San Francisco 49ers - Alex Smith is the worst QB I have ever seen play in the NFL. Could possibly go down as a bigger bust than Akili Smith.

Arizona Cardinals - Despite all of their talent, this is still the Cardinals. SO automatically they stand no chance of winning the superbowl.

Possible Playoff teams but still not going to win the Championship:

Miami Dolphins - I am in the minority in thinking that the Dolphins will not be as good as last year. They added the human turn-over machine Daunte Cullpepper who may or may not be healthy for the start of the season. They are still probobly a year away from serious contending.

Cleveland Browns - Another team that is a year or 2 away, but if they get consistent play from Charlie Frye and healthy Braylon Edwards and Kellan Winslow, they could surprise a few teams. I like what they are doing in Cleveland.

Baltimore Ravens - Old defense, constanly injured Steve McNair, and they are still the Ravens which means they will be offensively inept. Playoffs not unreasonable, but their are much better teams than them.

Jacksonville Jaguars - Byron Leftwich or David Garrard, both are not as good as everyone says. Jimmy Smith’s retirement leaves them unproven at wideout and in leadership. Defense will be nasty and keep them in te hunt.

Kansas City Chiefs - Defense is still a concern as are their unspectacular wide recievers. Herm Edwards is a great coach so look for them to be in the playoffs, but not a championship team.

San Diego Chargers - Dynamic players everywhere. I can not pick them for a title due to Phillip Rivers as an unproven commodity. They also failed to address their secondary in the offseason.

The Entire NFC East - The Cowboys, Eagles, Redskins and Giants all have solid teams, but they all have multiple questions theat preclude picking them as serious title contenders. Cowboys; how long till the T.O. circus act explodes as it has everywher eelse he has been? Eagles; can they stay healthy and can McNabb truly lead them anywhere? Redskins; does anyone really belive Mark Brunell can repeat last years success? Giants; is Eli as good as advertised, can the defense co-exist? Too many questions on each team. One of them will win the Division but they will all beat each other up too much to go far in the playoffs.

Chicago Bears - I anxiously await the news that Rex Grossman got hurt defending himself from Monarch Butterflies. Defense will keep them in games, but they still have no offense, they are the NFC version of the Ravens.

Atlanta Falcons - If the Falcons played Matt Schaub at QB and Vick at some other position, I think they would have a much better chance of winning a title. Scrambling QB’s do not win titles!

St. Louis Rams - Another team I am not sure what to make of, they have a rookie head coach and a re going away from the greatest show on turf, so playoffs are not unreasonable, but title is far away.

The True Title contenders:

New England Patriots - Why they can win; Brady and Belichick are still there. Why they probobly won’t win; Several key offseason losses and a lack of depth in the wide reciever position.

Indianapolis Colts - Why they can win the title; Peyton Manning and Tony Dungy. Why they probobly won’t win the title; Manning and Dungy.

Pittsburgh Steelers - Why they can win; Cowher teams are always dangerous and the defense just keeps putting out all-pros. Why they won’t win; I am unimpressed by their running backs and also their secondary is lousy.

Cinncinnatti Bengals - Why they can win; Palmer, Johnson and Johnson are as lethal a combination as any in the league. Why they won’t win; Palmer struggles recovering from knee surgery, all those off-season problems off the field.

Denver Broncos - Why they can win; added Javon Walker to help with his game breaking ability. Why they won’t win; They plan to prominately feature Ron Dayne in their backfield.

Carolina Panthers - Why they can win; addition of Keyshawn and rookie Deangelo Williams will help free up Steve Smith. Why they probobly won’t win; team has yet to prove they can stay healthy, Delhomme still makes too many mistakes, and can he really spread the ball enough between Smith and Johnson to keep them happy?

Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Why they can win; Defense will remain the backbone of this team, and Cadillac Williams will have a monster year. Why they won’t win; Chris Simms was never able to beat Oklahoma what makes people think he can beat any team in a meaningful game in the NFL?

Seattle Seahawks - Why they can win; they managed to keep their core intact from the NFC championship team of last year. Why they won’t win; they lost the superbowl last year which in recent history dooms a team to no better than 7-9.

So there you have it, before the actual season starts I will do my picks for the upcoming season, some of them may surprise you!

Israel recently launched an offensive against Hezbollah positions in Lebanon. One of the last Warlords surrendered to Islamic Militants in Mogadishu. The United States and other nations have recently threatened Iran with punishment should they continue with their nuclear plan. The world is a crazy crazy place these days, but the number one problem that needs to be dealt with; Where is Suri Cruise?

OK let’s see, what do we know or think we know. Apparently Suri "No I will not need therapy because my father is a complete and utter wacko" Cruise has not been seen yet by the public. The Cruise-Holmes camp recently turned down an offer of $1.5 million for photos of the child, because it was not as much as the $4million given to the Pitt-Jolie’s for the photos of Shiloh. (I am glad that the Pitt-Jolie’s turned the money over to charity, they definitely put their money where their mouth is). Tom Cruise and Kate Holmes are still not married. Last but not least, Tom Cruise believes that he has the souls of people, that were blown up by an evil alien emperor, attached to his body and holds onto an electric shock device to cleanse himself of them. (this is true, even I can not make it up)

Suri is now several months old and cares mostly about sleeping and eating. I am not sure why the public is obsessed with seeing this newborn. Here is a hint, it looks like any other new-born child!!! The amount of resources directed at figuring out whether or not Katie actually had a baby, or an alien, or the reincarnated LL Bean Ron Hubbard is completely and utterly ridiculous.

I am sure that this is all part of some bizarre scientologist newborn ritual. Maybe they have a silent childhood, much like the silent birth. Any time the child cries it is zapped by the e-meter; after all, they must prevent blown-up souls from attaching to the child.

However, I realize it is important to know whether or not Katie had a baby, since the wedding is never going to happen, we need to know what to call the child; illegitimate or born in sin.

(the author realizes that he is breaking his word on not talking about Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes, but the whereabouts of Suri are too important not to be discussed.)

Random things running through my head right now……Officials from the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, the National Park Service, Canada’s Wildlife Service and Parks Agency and Mexico’s Secretariat of the Environment and Natural Resources have designated 13 wildlife preserves as protected areas, the Fish and Wildlife Service said on Wednesday. The "Trilateral Monarch Butterfly Sister Protected Area Network" will develop international projects to preserve and restore breeding, migration and winter habitat for the orange and black butterflies - And there are people that go to bed hungry and lack health care in all of those countries. Yet, thank god we have that Monarch Butterly Issue taken care of.

France and Italy play for the World Cup on Sunday, I am pulling for La Azurri to beat those damn Frogs. One of the first things I would do as President would be to cease recognizing France as a country. Reverse Decartes teory, "If I do not think about them, then maybe they will cease exisiting."

With all the hoopla surrounding the World Cup and the excitement of country vs country on the pitch, I realized that I have not heard anything about The America’s Cup lately. Onr of the best sports moments ever was when Australia spent around 500million dollars on a boat, supposed to be the worlds fastest, and Dennis Conner of America, came out and beat them with a catamaran. How’s that for American ingenuity

North Korea has been test firing long range missles….Why China, Japan and the US are allowing this idiot in Pyongyang to stick in power is beyond me. China do the world a favor and destroy North Korea.

Election 2008 talk is already beginning. I mean really what’s the point. Both parties are just going to put up what they view as "the safe" candidate. Over the next few years, all candidates will spend well over 2 trillion, yes that is trillion with a T, dollars to become the President…..With 2 trillion dollars I think we could do something about healthcare, hunger and poverty in the US and still have money left over to help out the Monarch Butterfly.

I hate award shows with a passion. Even more so now that no member of Scrubs was nominated for an Emmy.

I have not seen Superman as yet, and probobly will not see Pirates of the Carribbean for a few weeks….and I do not feel as if there is any great void in my life because of this.

Thanks to Mols for introducing me to the Kayser Chiefs and Arctic Monkeys. I sooooo love Punk rock.

I spent five days up at the Mountains over the Fourth of July….most of you know how much I love the mountains. This was such a fun weekend, great weather, great company, tons ‘o’ fun.

Off to Connecticut for the nuptials of my Cousin Matt. Good to see the Massachusetts side of the family.