Thoughts in a Skitoliv World

My beloved sister "Dizzy-Lizzy" got marrried this past weekend. It was a truly outstanding ceremony and one hell of a shindig afterwards. I figured I would try and recount several of the sillier things that happened throughout the weekend.

Thursday:

Judith asks Robert where he wants certain people to sit during the service. He naturally responds "On their asses!" Quite possibly the quote of the weekend.

Mark and I go with Andrew and his two best men to Catherine Rooney’s. I learned something very valuable, never play darts with Andrew. Even when he has had more than a few pop’s he can still kill you.

Friday (day of the rehearsal):

During the rehearsal dinner you saw a shift. There was five minutes left in the BC/Villanova basketball game and practically every guy at the rehearsal dinner had migrated to the basement to see what was happening. Guys can just tell when a basketball/football/baseball game is on a TV someplace. They then always make the excuse of "Oh I am just going to get a score." This works to an extend with the girls at the party. Of course once in front of the TV, a guy can not leave after just seeing the score. He decides he needs to stand and watch a play or two, but then he realizes he is standing in the way of another guy so he sits on the couch, and then it is all over. Every guy has an opinion on the last play and must be debated. So therefore a quick trip to get a score leads into never seeing a guy again.

My Uncle Joe also said, "At some point when I am not here, make sure you tell your parents that someone broke the ice tongs." this is immediately after he broke them.

Saturday (wedding day):

I cooked pancakes this morning. Lizzy specially requested chocolate chip ones, but she had to put the chips in to the batter herself. It was her wedding day so I acquiesed to her demand.

No one flushed the toilet whiel Lizzy was in the shower.

I must say that I was not at home to witness the giant Molly-attack of the day. Though Chad’s statement of "If I was not there, I would never have believed the story". is appropriate.

The wedding went off without a hitch, lots of tears all around. The reception was amazingly fun. Watching lots of people Polka is always a good thing. My cousin Jake is a dancing machine! Lech’s comment of "I would, but she won’t shut-up." is classic (in regards to a girl i said he should try to chase). Lauren really needs to learn how to dance better (just kidding ;}).

Sunday (brunch day):

The brunch should have only been till 1pm and stressed to people that that does not mean show up at 145 and expect there to still be food out and ready.

It was a great greattime and I hope Liz and Andrew have all the hapiness in the world.

I wanted to take today to wish special birthday wishes to a truly great role model for youngsters everywhere. That role model is of course Fabio.

Fabio is evidence that you too can become famous for having absolutely no discernible talent. Fabio’s credits consist of being a cover model for harlequin romance novels. You see them at bookstores and newsstands everywhere. The guy standing on the cover shirtless, holding a scantily clad woman in a romantic pose, and for some reason they always seem to be on a pirate ship or a windswept seascape. What made all romance writers decide that every woman’s fantasy is to be ravished by pirates? I digress.

Fabio needs to be immortalized somewhere. I think that a statue needs to be erected of him someplace in Hollywood. Preferably holding some I can’t believe it is not butter. I do not understand how he was never able to crossover into movie super stardom.

So happy birthday Fabio! I look forward to your next book.

Just when you think it is safe to read the paper; he’s baaaaaack! I pick up the paper this morning to briefly skim the oscar winners from last night. Yet what to my wondering eyes should apear, but a headline stating "Johhny Weir’s fashion winners and losers from the Oscars". Yes folks, I was floored. I thought this is perfect! Who better to review the oscars then a 5th-place finishing, cross-dressing, self proclaimed "Swan-Princess", and all-around wacko male figure skater! I am stunned. The News Journal got it right! I can not think of anybody better to review what is quite possibly the most meaningless awards show in the world. This is great. I was really worried what the Swan Princess was going to be doing with himself. Just think if he had won we might have ssen him on the red carpet.

My brakes failed on my truck yesterday morning. This is one of those things that you really take for granted when driving a car, you press down on your brakes and you stop. Well, this time I pressed down and there was nothing. I did not slow down an iota. The major problem was that I was travelling at about 65 mph on I-295 in New Jersey during morning rush hour traffic, which requires lots of braking. I seriously thought that this was it. I was going to die on I-295 in New Jersey. I really never thought that I would die on I-295 in New Jersey, and in all honesty I really do not want to die in New Jersey. My next thought was that I was going to have to hit something in order to stop. I kept thinking, do not hit another car. Take yourself out, not anybody else. These were all the thoughts that went through my head in about 2 second. I then compossed myself, got on the shoulder and coasted, fortunately there was an uphill, so I started to slow. I also used my parking break to further slow myself down and then took the next exit (which was mine for work) and coasted to a safe place to fully jam on my parking break to stop. The important safety tip is to remember to down shift into first to further slow yourself down. Also, should this ever happen to you, Don’t Panic! I know that is difficult to say, but you have to be calm and not panic, if youpanic you will end up doing yourself, your car and god forbid another person harm. The good news is that both my car and myself emerged unscathed. Check your breaks people!